Girlfriend, Your House is a Mess
Chapter One
The Ground Floor "The Scenario"
Girlfriend, just imagine lying in bed on a weekday after deciding to ditch work to handle a few personal matters. Due to being dreadfully exhausted, those personal matters get thrown into the do later category.
Suddenly, the doorbell rings, and you immediately become agitated by this unannounced intruder. There was no courtesy phone call to alert you of their presence. You look around to take a quick assessment of your apartment realizing it was the same assessment it was the other day—messy. Clothes are piled high on your favorite chair. Dishes are stacked neatly in the sink from two nights ago. Candy wrappers and soda pop cans are left on the coffee table from your midnight movie marathon. Magazines are sloppily assembled on the used-to-be designer display table.
You peep out the window only to find your good friend whom you once adored. You think to yourself, Shoot! He must have seen the car in the driveway. Obviously, he is persistent, because a normal person would have left after three unanswered rings, right? No, not him. He’s still ringing the doorbell like his finger is stuck to it or something. He glances up at the window and you jump back, hoping that he didn’t see the curtain swing from your quick body-contortion move. You start mentally strategizing your plan because you have to do something. He knows that you are home because he knows your habits.
You ponder, Should I ignore the bell? Maybe he’ll go away. Should I tell him to hold on and scramble around to straighten things up a little? Well, you decide to open the door, but are embarrassed due to the state of your once-beautifully-decorated, immaculate house. It’s apparent that everything is in disarray, which will lead him to the conclusion, “This woman is out of order.” You immediately begin making excuses—some darn good ones, too. Even you start to believe them.
Why this scenario? Because, girlfriend, just as your house is out of order, so is your life, soul, and heart. When it comes to relationships of any kind, girlfriend, your life is out of order. You begin to wonder why your friendships don’t last too long, and why it is that you find yourself with a new best friend every year. You may even wonder why the men in your life don’t stay, or why they misuse or disrespect you and give you less than you deserve.
The truth is, you settle for less and are never happy in your relationships. You involve yourself in several relationships at different times—or even at the same time—but none of them are giving you what you truly need. There is no fulfillment from having so many emotionless relationships. Periodically, we seek relationships to get what we are lacking. We think that when we find it that it will eventually complete us. This is so far from the truth, my dear friend.
The solution to this problem can be solved in two ways:
Trusting God is the key to healing of all of our issues. He is the one who can take our past problems and throw them away for good. It’s as simple as laying the issues on an altar and asking Him each day to help you shed the residue of the past. We are the ones who continue to hold on to the issues. Once you begin this process, the load will be become lighter.
Getting it together takes a lot of courage; you will have to do a lot of soul-searching to repair what damage has been done from previous relationships. Soul-searching requires work. It’s not an easy task. The first thing to do is to make a list of all your positive and negative attributes. Make a list of your fears, hurts, strengths, weaknesses, etc. List your passion or passions, and write them in a box on the page. It would be a great idea to list what makes you happy and sad. Dig deep and pull out the inner you. Once the list is complete, you can begin to assess your life to this point to get a picture of who you are. Identify those areas in your life that need to be worked on.
As you review the list, begin to think of all the excuses that you make on a daily basis. Remember, regardless of the reason for the excuse, it’s still a mindful lie. We sometimes make excuses for all the wrong relationships that we have encountered, whether to validate someone’s existence in our world, or to excuse their failure. Whatever the excuse, let’s face it—it’s not the honest truth. When we make excuses, we are not being honest with ourselves. We often tell ourselves that we really don’t want to get involved in any relationship. But what we are saying is, “I don’t want to deal with my issues because then I will have to reveal who I really am. I prefer to stay in my shell and be the way I am.” It’s not exactly a bright idea.
We will discuss how to deal with issues in the upcoming chapters, but I want to share this statement about issues. I could tell you that it’s perfectly okay to make excuses in your life, but I would be lying to you. The reality is, somewhere down in your soul, there are unresolved issues that have never been dealt with—issues that only you know exist. Until those issues are discussed, resolved, and banned from controlling your life, you will not be free. I hate to sound so tough, but girlfriend, I’m just being honest. When dealing with people and relationships, they come with their own bag of issues (that’s another book). For now, you are the focus; it’s all about you.
Not only do excuses affect our relationships, they also affect how we see ourselves. For instance, I made so many excuses in my life as to why I can’t lose weight. I would say, “I’m fine the way I am,” or “I look good in my clothes, so why change?” Or, “My man loves me this way.” Does this sound familiar? Although a few of those may be true, the honest truth is, I can’t keep my mouth closed long enough to refrain from eating chocolate and other sweets. While others are accepting of my size, Venez is not pleased with herself. I want to look good in a bathing suit when we travel. I want to wear shorts during the summer instead of stretch pants and big tops, or cotton pant suits (don’t laugh—you fabulous plus-size women know what I’m talking about). I realized that my excuses were causing me to be content and to accept what I didn’t want to accept. So you could say that I was settling for less within myself. Yes, I haven’t overcome yet, but I recognize that I’m a work in progress—we all are. Take a moment to reflect on the excuses that you continually tell yourself.
As we move forward to learning how to get our house in order, I trust that you will remember the first two important keys:
Allowing God to take control of every area of your life will give you the strength and courage to handle all the situations that may occur in your life:
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. [Philippians 4:13]
We, as women, are quite emotional creatures, and God knows that. He has given us a pattern in which we can have harmony in our relationships, peace within ourselves, and freedom to be who we are—no matter what lies in our past, present, or future.
Girlfriend Your House is A Mess is available on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Girlfriend-Your-House-Venez-Allen-ebook/dp/B00OR2N4RS/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Girlfriend%2C+Your+House+is+a+Mess+Book&qid=1638735721&sr=8-1
Chapter One
The Ground Floor "The Scenario"
Girlfriend, just imagine lying in bed on a weekday after deciding to ditch work to handle a few personal matters. Due to being dreadfully exhausted, those personal matters get thrown into the do later category.
Suddenly, the doorbell rings, and you immediately become agitated by this unannounced intruder. There was no courtesy phone call to alert you of their presence. You look around to take a quick assessment of your apartment realizing it was the same assessment it was the other day—messy. Clothes are piled high on your favorite chair. Dishes are stacked neatly in the sink from two nights ago. Candy wrappers and soda pop cans are left on the coffee table from your midnight movie marathon. Magazines are sloppily assembled on the used-to-be designer display table.
You peep out the window only to find your good friend whom you once adored. You think to yourself, Shoot! He must have seen the car in the driveway. Obviously, he is persistent, because a normal person would have left after three unanswered rings, right? No, not him. He’s still ringing the doorbell like his finger is stuck to it or something. He glances up at the window and you jump back, hoping that he didn’t see the curtain swing from your quick body-contortion move. You start mentally strategizing your plan because you have to do something. He knows that you are home because he knows your habits.
You ponder, Should I ignore the bell? Maybe he’ll go away. Should I tell him to hold on and scramble around to straighten things up a little? Well, you decide to open the door, but are embarrassed due to the state of your once-beautifully-decorated, immaculate house. It’s apparent that everything is in disarray, which will lead him to the conclusion, “This woman is out of order.” You immediately begin making excuses—some darn good ones, too. Even you start to believe them.
Why this scenario? Because, girlfriend, just as your house is out of order, so is your life, soul, and heart. When it comes to relationships of any kind, girlfriend, your life is out of order. You begin to wonder why your friendships don’t last too long, and why it is that you find yourself with a new best friend every year. You may even wonder why the men in your life don’t stay, or why they misuse or disrespect you and give you less than you deserve.
The truth is, you settle for less and are never happy in your relationships. You involve yourself in several relationships at different times—or even at the same time—but none of them are giving you what you truly need. There is no fulfillment from having so many emotionless relationships. Periodically, we seek relationships to get what we are lacking. We think that when we find it that it will eventually complete us. This is so far from the truth, my dear friend.
The solution to this problem can be solved in two ways:
- Get it together.
- Trust God.
Trusting God is the key to healing of all of our issues. He is the one who can take our past problems and throw them away for good. It’s as simple as laying the issues on an altar and asking Him each day to help you shed the residue of the past. We are the ones who continue to hold on to the issues. Once you begin this process, the load will be become lighter.
Getting it together takes a lot of courage; you will have to do a lot of soul-searching to repair what damage has been done from previous relationships. Soul-searching requires work. It’s not an easy task. The first thing to do is to make a list of all your positive and negative attributes. Make a list of your fears, hurts, strengths, weaknesses, etc. List your passion or passions, and write them in a box on the page. It would be a great idea to list what makes you happy and sad. Dig deep and pull out the inner you. Once the list is complete, you can begin to assess your life to this point to get a picture of who you are. Identify those areas in your life that need to be worked on.
As you review the list, begin to think of all the excuses that you make on a daily basis. Remember, regardless of the reason for the excuse, it’s still a mindful lie. We sometimes make excuses for all the wrong relationships that we have encountered, whether to validate someone’s existence in our world, or to excuse their failure. Whatever the excuse, let’s face it—it’s not the honest truth. When we make excuses, we are not being honest with ourselves. We often tell ourselves that we really don’t want to get involved in any relationship. But what we are saying is, “I don’t want to deal with my issues because then I will have to reveal who I really am. I prefer to stay in my shell and be the way I am.” It’s not exactly a bright idea.
We will discuss how to deal with issues in the upcoming chapters, but I want to share this statement about issues. I could tell you that it’s perfectly okay to make excuses in your life, but I would be lying to you. The reality is, somewhere down in your soul, there are unresolved issues that have never been dealt with—issues that only you know exist. Until those issues are discussed, resolved, and banned from controlling your life, you will not be free. I hate to sound so tough, but girlfriend, I’m just being honest. When dealing with people and relationships, they come with their own bag of issues (that’s another book). For now, you are the focus; it’s all about you.
Not only do excuses affect our relationships, they also affect how we see ourselves. For instance, I made so many excuses in my life as to why I can’t lose weight. I would say, “I’m fine the way I am,” or “I look good in my clothes, so why change?” Or, “My man loves me this way.” Does this sound familiar? Although a few of those may be true, the honest truth is, I can’t keep my mouth closed long enough to refrain from eating chocolate and other sweets. While others are accepting of my size, Venez is not pleased with herself. I want to look good in a bathing suit when we travel. I want to wear shorts during the summer instead of stretch pants and big tops, or cotton pant suits (don’t laugh—you fabulous plus-size women know what I’m talking about). I realized that my excuses were causing me to be content and to accept what I didn’t want to accept. So you could say that I was settling for less within myself. Yes, I haven’t overcome yet, but I recognize that I’m a work in progress—we all are. Take a moment to reflect on the excuses that you continually tell yourself.
As we move forward to learning how to get our house in order, I trust that you will remember the first two important keys:
- Get it together.
- Trust God.
Allowing God to take control of every area of your life will give you the strength and courage to handle all the situations that may occur in your life:
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. [Philippians 4:13]
We, as women, are quite emotional creatures, and God knows that. He has given us a pattern in which we can have harmony in our relationships, peace within ourselves, and freedom to be who we are—no matter what lies in our past, present, or future.
Girlfriend Your House is A Mess is available on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Girlfriend-Your-House-Venez-Allen-ebook/dp/B00OR2N4RS/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Girlfriend%2C+Your+House+is+a+Mess+Book&qid=1638735721&sr=8-1
